You want the project to go forward. It is important to the organization. You respect the parties involved in the project. But when the approach to implementing the project is presented, you feel strongly it is the wrong way to go. You are working in a collaborative group, so consensus is needed. Everyone else agrees they can support the approach … except you. You feel pressure to cave in. Should you?

Collaborative projects are successful when they have the foundation of a shared vision and goals. This is common ground, “something that people agree about even if they disagree about other things.” http://www.learnersdictionary.com/search/common%20ground

Can your project be on solid ground when any of the members feel they have “caved in” when making an important decision?” If tension exists about how or when something should be done, a member may feel pressure to agree in order to move the project forward and to appear cooperative. The agreement may actually represent one of the following ways we commonly cope with tension, but none of these represent collaborative resolution:
• Compromise: I’ll give a little if you give a little. (Both parties give up something of value.)
• Accommodation: I’ll give in to be agreeable, but I don’t really support it. (Later, this person will come to resent that she caved in.)
• Compete: I’ll cave in because I know I can’t win. I feel pressured by the strong opinions and influential positions present at the table. I don’t want to be the one holding up the project.
• Avoid. I’ll cave in to avoid having to explain my position. I’m not good at being cross-questioned, which I know is coming if I speak up.

To find common ground, none of the parties in a collaborative project should feel as if they are caving in. Nor should any party insist they alone have the right answer and refuse to consider another view. If you feel tension, this may be a signal to step back and look beyond the goals of the project to the goals of the organization. Are the project goals truly aligned with the organization’s goals? Will the project outcome support the organization and move it forward? If so, you should be able to find common ground and genuine agreement in the approach that is taken.

Here are some tips to finding common ground without caving in.

• Be prepared. Do your homework. You have received the agenda and supporting materials. Study them and bring questions or concerns to the table.
• Be honest and respectful. Say that you cannot agree and be as specific as possible about why you feel the way you do. Blurting out “That’s nuts!” as I did recently during a round for consensus may have been an honest remark, but it was not respectful or helpful. It only added to the tension and did nothing to invite dialogue.
• Move the conversation to the goals for the organization. Suggest a recap of the organization’s goals, and ask how the project goals or approach support the organization goals.

When there is genuine agreement, you will find more willingness to trust. Caving in will only add to the tension and lead to resentment, which erodes trust. Better to be up front and disagree. This may appear to hold up progress on the project, but the collaborative effort, when sincere, leads to innovation. When the conversation is about the goal, and all parties are focused on achieving the goal, new and better ways to do that open, which neither party may have anticipated at the outset.

Have you faced the pressure to cave in? How have you dealt with it? If everyone else agrees, do you feel it is better to cave in to be agreeable?